It doesn’t matter if he’s just had a bath and is now the freshest and cleanest it is physically possible to ever be. Nobody — nobody — tells a level 12 wizard where to sit, no matter how dirty he risks getting himself.
(dog 648)
Those who speak of wisdom as the result of mistakes made and lessons learned clearly didn’t have this director-general onhand at 90% of their decision-making points. Sometimes it’s best to outsource the tough calls to an independent contractor, is all I’m sayin’.
(dog 647)
Isn’t there a thing about not letting a ghost over the threshold of your house, lest it haunt your sleepless nights and fill your days with nameless dread and regret? Or is that vampires? Which one do you need a barrier of salt to ward against? I may not have been paying super close attention to all those Supernatural reruns. I admit this.
(dog 646)
It’s not about being undetected while you’re on a stakeout, rookies; it’s about making sure nobody who looks at you can tell who you’re even supposed to be watching.
(dog 645)
I want you to point to the page in the book of all laws of math and nature that says it’s 100% impossible in every conceivable case that Edgar Allan Poe could have been a dog. You can’t, can you.
(dog 644)
Every once in a while you’re going to have a completely stupid idea, and your friends aren’t going to talk you out of it ‘cause they’re too busy watching, and you’ll say they’re a bunch of jerks, but we all know that’s a damn lie.
(dog 643)
How come “Which one’s the evil twin?” is the question that always gets asked? Why not “Which one’s the better basketball player?” or “Which one’s got the worse sense of direction?” How about “Which one of you has the best recipe for cheddar chive biscuits?”
No, seriously, which one.
(dog 642)
Sure, some dogs might tempt you to pick ‘em up and throw ‘em like a football into the nearest pile of leaves, but (1) they aren’t nearly as aerodynamic, and (2) a football won’t hop up on the couch and lick your face when you’re feeling low, now will it? Put that throwing arm away.
(dog 641)
Safety Dog wants everyone to know that they should wait at least a minute or two for their pizza to cool before attempting to eat it; otherwise, painful burns may result on the tongue or roof of the mouth. Safety Dog takes his job very seriously. Safety Dog loves you.
(dog 640)
Approach ye the Throne of Tandem Judgment, so that you may be made to know by the both of us in unison on which side you will walk: the right, which is the path of the blessed, or the left, which is the way of haters only.
(dog 639)
