Every time two best friends reunite after being apart for more than three years and hug each other, one of these is spontaneously created somewhere within a five-mile radius at the exact same instant.
"Just find out if we can add it all up to get 70% off or if there’s some other thing — what? What do you mean they don’t have anything in my size? Different stores have different sizing systems, everyone knows — what do you mean ‘my kind,’ buddy? Someone’s getting their shoes shat in tonight.”
Knight-Commander Maximillian Reesbury Wooden-Jones Shacklington III, Defender of the Crown and Sixteenth Earl of Applemere-on-Wungcaster, demands that you stop at once to pay the cuddle toll. The cuddle toll is non-negotiable and must be paid in full. Fail in this and your life is forfeit; the rule of law is absolute in this land, the sword of justice swift and terrible.
Apparently I need to ask: someone went back and made sure seals and dogs can’t interbreed, right? Right? ‘Cause I definitely remember that being someone’s job. Maybe their only job. I’m just sayin’.
Dog, (n). A mechanism for measuring the contours and capacity of the standard-issue human soul.
So you forgot your “FREE HUGS” sign at home, man — that’s not your fault! You are still worthy of love. Look, someone’s comin’ over to hug you right now. Told you so.
Much respect, Your Wizardliness, but can you turn the intensity on the Dimensional Jump Gate down a notch or two? I would love to travel to the Sparkle Realm, but my eyes are having a — no? That’s … just how it is over there? All the time? Well, if I’d known, I’d’ve packed sunglasses, wouldn’t I? Sorry, sorry. My bad. Rookie mistake. Back in a sec. Thanks.
There are people who’ll tell you there’s just no place in this world for a gentle giant, but those people can go fuck themselves, because gentle giants can make their own damn place anywhere they please at all times. That’s what being a gentle giant is for.
"Next time we do this, you be the fort and I get to be the general, okay?"
"I mean it! You say that every time."
"I said sure."
"I’m holding you to it, I swear."
"Bro, I got you. Next time you can be the fort!"
"All right, good."
"This would be more fun if we had other dogs to play with, huh."
"Forts can’t talk, bro."