Those who speak of wisdom as the result of mistakes made and lessons learned clearly didn’t have this director-general onhand at 90% of their decision-making points. Sometimes it’s best to outsource the tough calls to an independent contractor, is all I’m sayin’.
Isn’t there a thing about not letting a ghost over the threshold of your house, lest it haunt your sleepless nights and fill your days with nameless dread and regret? Or is that vampires? Which one do you need a barrier of salt to ward against? I may not have been paying super close attention to all those Supernatural reruns. I admit this.
It’s not about being undetected while you’re on a stakeout, rookies; it’s about making sure nobody who looks at you can tell who you’re even supposed to be watching.
I want you to point to the page in the book of all laws of math and nature that says it’s 100% impossible in every conceivable case that Edgar Allan Poe could have been a dog. You can’t, can you.
Every once in a while you’re going to have a completely stupid idea, and your friends aren’t going to talk you out of it ‘cause they’re too busy watching, and you’ll say they’re a bunch of jerks, but we all know that’s a damn lie.
How come “Which one’s the evil twin?” is the question that always gets asked? Why not “Which one’s the better basketball player?” or “Which one’s got the worse sense of direction?” How about “Which one of you has the best recipe for cheddar chive biscuits?”
No, seriously, which one.
Sure, some dogs might tempt you to pick ‘em up and throw ‘em like a football into the nearest pile of leaves, but (1) they aren’t nearly as aerodynamic, and (2) a football won’t hop up on the couch and lick your face when you’re feeling low, now will it? Put that throwing arm away.
Safety Dog wants everyone to know that they should wait at least a minute or two for their pizza to cool before attempting to eat it; otherwise, painful burns may result on the tongue or roof of the mouth. Safety Dog takes his job very seriously. Safety Dog loves you.
Approach ye the Throne of Tandem Judgment, so that you may be made to know by the both of us in unison on which side you will walk: the right, which is the path of the blessed, or the left, which is the way of haters only.
Pictured here is the only extant living example of the discontinued 1921 Ford Model C-339 Dog (Brown), in surprisingly good condition. The C-339 was noted for being the last of its type to be equipped with a crank-starter motor in its rear compartment, operated by turning the tail until engine engagement was achieved. The C-339’s engine/mass ratio led to unfortunate but hilarious mishaps wherein sudden kick-back would cause the Dog to begin spinning unexpectedly, leaving its owner/operator holding the stationary tail while the Dog whirled energetically on its primary axis at speeds in excess of 1400rpm. Future models of the Ford Dog incorporated an electric starter that obviated the need for a hand crank, though the tail was left in place as a matter of preserving design aesthetics. Ford discontinued manufacture of all C and D-series Dogs in the late 60s, leaving Chevrolet and certain boutique Japanese manufacturers as the primary players in the market from that point onward.